I’m trying to keep an open mind about this. Its just that I miss Suffolk. I never thought I would miss it this much. I just love the community that is created there. It’s hard here, really hard. I don’t feel like people are taking advantage of what I can offer. That sounds awful. I don’t mean to be cocky, I really don’t. I think I have a lot to offer to this program, to this world and I hate to miss out on any opportunity.

I am Assistant Stage Managing a show in the spring. Auditions are being held this weekend. Its in the job title to do the bitch work, I get that. I have done this before. (Im not really sure how to explain this without sounding childish) This is the first day and I am overanalyzing this. I just felt like I was baby sitting. There was no creative outlet. Im not explaining myself well enough. I just want this to be good and I want to prove that I am great. Cause “I am now at this moment all that I need to be.”

On another note, I am really excited for the Lovewell event in January! This is going to be so great for my soul. I need Lovewell right now, more than ever. I can’t wait to be with my best friends for one short week. Can’t wait!!!

(This is a childish entry. Childish.)

Someone help me.

I feel like I have so much I want to write but my brain is dead. I don’t know if I can formulate sentences. I think I’ve written a total of 60 pages in the last week. That is sick!

————

I’ve been running a hostile for the last month and couldn’t be happier about it. That being said. Jacob opened for Tim Reynolds this last week. SO GOOD! I’m so lucky to have those two baby Grotens in my life.

————

We decorated for Christmas. I decided if I was going to be miserable with work for 3 weeks, I was getting a Christmas tree. The family (Jparty, Tyler, Gabby and I) decorated stockings and the tree together. Its wonderful.

————

Thursday will be a beautiful day. I will be done will 90% of my work.

————

It snowed today. Not the pretty kind of snow but the rainy, gross kinda snow.

————

Going to a Giants game next weekend. Please. Don’t. Snow.

————

This post is silly. I just felt like I needed to write. Needed to just formulate non academic ideas. Thank you for listening. goodnight.

Today is a great day!

Both of my parents got jobs! You don’t understand how hard it has been for them to get a job. My mom has been “retired” since we moved to Florida. This is great! SO SO SO GREAT! Mom is working full time at the church and my Dad is working at Classic Residence by Hyatt. This is a new adventure in their life and I wish them the best.

PS I get to go home next week!!!

If I disappeared for an extended period of time, I dont think anyone would know.

Im going to go on an Educational System rant, for a hot second.

I am currently observing a class at PS 3, a public school. I was placed in a 4th/5th grade mixed class. This creates an interesting dynamic. There is one teacher and one student teacher (an NYU student). The class splits up for Math. The fourth graders go with the student teacher and the fifth graders stay with the teacher in the classroom. Other than that, the whole class learns together. This is a progressive school and I am still trying to understand that. Basically, it is the opposite of traditional teaching. With traditional teaching being “I am the teacher and I know everything. You are the student and know nothing”. Its really interesting stuff. This is only the setup for my story.

There is a student in my class that doesn’t speak or understand any English. This child just moved to the country and only speaks Arabic. I can’t explain to you how interesting this is to watch. Its interesting to see this student try to express himself. The other students help the teacher out a lot. She told me that her first priority is to teach him english. She has the students help with this. They work on the alphabet with him and help him with basic english words. I find it interesting, not only on an academic level but also on a social level. So, today they students had to take a social studies standardized test. Thats right, you guessed it. The student who speaks no english has to take this standardized test. HOW IS THIS FAIR?!?!?!?! The kid doesn’t know what he is answering. NEWS FLASH!!! HE DOESN’T SPEAK THE LANGUAGE!!! When asking why? The answer is, the state needs to assess his learning. They need to assess his learning???? Well, guess what? This is NOT the correct way to test that. How about you have the kid write his ABC’s for you?  He can do that and in only 2 months. He now knows some basic words to get him through the day.  Give the kid a break! He is 10 years old and has know idea what anyone is saying to him. This is messed up. Standardized tests are messed up. I get you have to assess a childs learning. I get that we need to “judge” the student, but does it have to be this way. Luckily, in the NYC, if a child fails one of these tests the teacher can put together a portfolio to defend the student. People have bad days. Don’t punish a 10 year old for having a bad day…or not knowing the language. Thank you.

I saw Next to Normal last night. Fantastic. Really. Now, I am on a musical theatre kick. I WILL start student rushing shows. I live in NYC for God’s sake.

———————————

Catherine left on Saturday. Good week. Good week.

——————————–

I can’t wait until this semester is over. Im losing motivation. Im slacking and I dont like it.

———————————

All the things that should make me happy, aren’t. I am just ready to go home. I miss my family. A lot.

I feel so lonely.

——————————–

Check this out! This is so good!

I don’t want to feel like this anymore. please.

I deserve to be happy, don’t I?

For once I want someone to worry and care about me. Thats selfish.

The  mind is so delicate. You have to take care of yourself, please. It scares me. It really does.

http://www.nydailynews.com/ny_local/2009/11/03/2009-11-03_nyu_student_found_dead_at_university_library.html

Who knows if his roommate meeting him would have made a difference? I don’t if I could ever forgive myself.  I will never sleep with my phone on silent again. I can’t really talk about this anymore. Just know that I am here.

I love you, everyone of you!!!

I got an unexpected call from a great friend last night. I haven’t talked to or seen him since May but it felt like I saw him yesterday. We got talking about our friends, our home friends. I’ve realized that they are the greatest people, really and truly. Its hard for me to continue looking for lifelong friends when I feel like I have already found them. They are my soul mates, if you will. I met some really cool people in Boston. I had a really great time with them, so much fun but nothing like home friends. Its more of a family? Last weekend a good amount of us went to D.C. to see baby Angies show. It felt so right. It felt comfortable for all of us to be in the same city. That is my one wish, for all of us to live in the same city. We are almost there. We just need Ambar, Angela and Cassie (da ladies)! Make it happen! I’ll work on finding a big warehouse for all of us to live in. Thats enough of the emotional business.

Next on the agenda, Catherine Helen Spangler will be in New York City next week. Come one, come all! There will be a week long slumbie at Casa di Pomerantz and Laudia! So excited!

____________________________

Life is so short and so precious. Let’s live it!

____________________________

Shout out to Tyler Grimes. Proud of you kiddo! Wonderful job this weekend, especially with the secret show! Glad I could be here for it.

____________________________

I get to go home in a month. Weeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

____________________________

I have my first Grad School paper due in 24 hours. Someone help!!!

____________________________

This program requires a lot of group projects. I am all about group projects. Actually, I love them. However, I am currently in the worst group ever!!!! We can’t agree on anything! It is extremely frustrating. I can’t wait until November 10th. Goodbye group!

____________________________

I love you.